Cornerstone

To fall upon the Rock
And be broken,
Fragments of flesh
Scattered upon the skin of the earth

What will I have left, O Potter?
Once I have shattered under the greatness
Of Your love,
What remains?
Who am I?

You are Mine.

Your breath of wind gathers the pieces
Of broken glass, of fragile substance,
And from the dust of the earth,
You breathe life
Into the shards

I marvel
As Your meticulous hands
Create a masterful mosaic,
A macadam pathway
To Your side--
The broken road to glory

Beloved, I am yours,
As He opens hollowed hands

And as my hand is grasped within Your own,
This glorious truth is all I need to know

Rejection Is Protection

     I opened the letter with trembling hands, at once recognizing the illustrious university logo on the front of the envelope. I had applied to their graduate program two months ago and had been reassured that all of my paperwork was in order. Why would they send me another letter? Perhaps to once again pacify my mind that they had indeed received every piece of my application? Were they inviting me to another on-campus event?

     I unfolded the letter -- to find it suprisingly short. Reading it through, I understood why.

     I had been rejected to their Master of Fine Arts program.

     After reading their brief "thanks but no thanks" note in regards to my qualification to their establishment, I should have cried. I should have torn the letter in pieces or pounded the table with my fist. Any person would have just claim to do so. After all, in certain terms, I was a reject! But what did I do?

     I skipped through the house giggling and began to cry tears of joy!

     Okay, so it helped that I had just come home from church and was on a Holy Spirit high; thank God for that! But why such an unusual reaction to a seemingly upsetting piece of news ? Because I knew that I was that much closer to discovering God's great plan for my future! He had closed this door -- He had helped narrow down my options for me. And I know, eventually, He isn't just gonna open a window -- He is going to lower the drawbridge to a massive castle gate to His perfect will!    

     In case it was not clear, yes, I was intending to attend the MFA program at a university not too far from my house -- a private, renowned university I always ride my bike past or walk through. I wanted it so bad. I knew God had shut the door on other options I had been considering, so I figured he would want me to at least take a shot at applying for this program. So I did. I spent the $60. I spent painstaking hours collecting and refining 20 pages of poetry to create a portfolio. I wrote a lengthy essay of intent and asked a few of my professors for letters of recommendation. And God gave me such a peace through the entire ordeal. It was kind of exciting, actually.

     Two months later, I have found myself $60 dollars short, my pride slightly wounded (if I'm really honest with myself), and nowhere close to having a finalized plan for my future. But though I might have every cause to feel "rejection," through it all, I have realized yet another cool reality about God:

     Our rejection is often evidence of His protection.

     When I reach for a chocolate chip cookie at a social gathering and my friend swats my hand away (reminding me that I am vegan and I might regret indulging in that delicious disaster), I shouldn't feel rejected -- she's trying to protect me from pain.

     Or when I fell into an emotional relationship with a guy a year and a half ago, whom I was "rejected" by when he realized, after leading me on and hinting at a future relationship, that he had disobeyed the Lord by doing so -- I began to see (after wiping away the weeks of tears that had blurred my eyes) that God was indeed protecting me. Only after I came to my senses did I realize that he was not at all compatible with me, that he was not the spiritual leader I need in a relationship leading to marriage. God has someone better in mind, a far better fit for me than he was.

     God, like a loving Father, will brush away our hand when we are about to touch something dangerous. He will shield us from engaging in something that will not benefit us, that is not in accordance with the perfect plan He has for us. When we endure such trying circumstances in life, we may feel tempted to call ourselves rejects. But the truth is, we are very much the opposite -- as children of God, we are blessed with belonging to a gracious Father whose desire is for our edification, our joy, our blessing -- our protection.
   
     What a wonderful God!

     I may want to feel like a failure to myself and others for not having a specific plan for the future. I may have been rejected by something stable, something that could have given me security. But this earthly rejection only drives me deeper into His heavenly protection. I now have (literally) nowhere else to go but straight into His arms. And I am, with all of my heart, so grateful for that.

     After all, this is not my home. Praise God for the assurance of heaven! 

     Brothers and sisters in Christ, may our security and protection be found in Him and Him alone, who has great plans in store for us, earthly and heavenly -- the latter of so much greater importance!

    

     Some verses that got me through:

     "'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
     Jeremiah 29:11

     "If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten?"
     Hebrews 12:7

     "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them."
     Ephesians 2:10

     " ... being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."
     Philippians 1:6

     "For here we have no continuing city, but we seek the one to come."
     Hebrews 13:14

Worship II

Hope you don't mind more on the topic of worship leading. Every time I lead worship, God is so faithful to teach me something. He is amazing and so gentle in His teaching. I love it.

~~ * ~~

Tuesday night, I came home utterly exhausted, close to tears, and battered by the enemy's attacks. I was supposed to lead worship at my church the following evening, but I felt so discouraged, I was already telling myself I wouldn't go, that I would just bow out.

But I knew deep down that if I didn't go, I would miss out on something awesome.

So, I kept telling myself that I would, no matter how crummy I felt. Come Wednesday, thank God, He totally covered me throughout the entire day, restoring my strength despite the four hours of sleep I got the night before, granting me peace through my midterms, and providing me with the courage I needed to go up on stage that night. I know His presence was following me each and every moment.

I read through the set list my worship leader sent through an email -- he wanted me to lead the song, "The Greatness of Our God" from Hillsong United. Funny aside -- every time my leader asks me to lead on a song, the song always recapitulates a message God has been teaching me. Every time. Laugh out loud. God is too much! Sure enough, this song reverberates all that God has been showing me in my life lately, that He is far greater than I could ever imagine, that none of my doubts could ever restrain Him, that I have barely scratched the surface to knowing all of His character, and that He is walking close beside me. As I have been crying out to Him, "Take what I have known / and break it all apart" (part of the lyrics to the song), He is answering my prayer.

The chorus just says it all. Chew on these lyrics a bit:

And no sky contains,
No doubt restrains all You are,
The greatness of our God
I spend my life to know,
And I'm far from close to all You are,
The greatness of our God

Once again, God gave me the indescribable privilege of leading His people into deeper exploration of who He is, His greatness, His love, His mystery. Amazing.

There was just one problem: the key I was asked to sing it in was way too low for my vocal range. But the key my leader chose flowed with the rest of the songs in the set, so there was no hope that the band could transpose it to a different key for me. I started to panic a little bit. But, in the best obedient spirit that I could muster, I gave it to God and waited expectantly for Him to take over my voice and empower it with strength, finesse, and volume.

But something much better happened.

For those of you who don't know, I am a notorious perfectionist, something I have been praying for God to gradually pull from my personality (especially since I know it stems from pride -- yuck!). So every time I sound check and get ready to practice the worship set, I can get a little too carried away with the technical aspect, making sure my voice sounds absolutely perfect, that I belt every note, that my timbre is smooth, flawless. Every time I sing in a lower key, however, all kinds of bad stuff happens. I end up singing with my throat, not my diaphragm, my voice gets kind of squeaky, and it definitely does not sound like my best -- but my leader keeps giving me songs to lead in lower keys anyways. Can't help but chuckle; gotta love how God stretches us.

When the time came for me to lead on my song, God all of a sudden flooded me with an uncanny peace. My throat was already burning from practice, but I knew I just needed to worship. Throughout the song, a singer's nightmare happened: my voice went off pitch and cracked multiple times, I sounded more like I was croaking than singing, and I ended up whispering some of the words because they were far below my range. But through it all, to my surprise, I was so filled with joy! I was more happy than I have ever been leading a song! Because of my flaws, the pressure of being perfect was off my shoulders -- I could simply worship my God. Every instance my voice cracked, I was somehow drawn deeper into His presence -- so good! And I had such a joy in helping others see Him (hopefully), and I could not help but hope that my squeaky voice gave them the confidence to sing out even stronger.

A small and insignificant anecdote, I know, but it's the little things God shows me that tickle me all over.

I am full of faults, but He is faithful. I may fail, but He fixes me. I am far from close to knowing all He is, but I do know He is my Father. I am still grasping that truth day after day. He is greater still. One day, my little heart is gonna explode from all His greatness! So glad I'm getting a new body in heaven that can actually withstand His glory ...  

... That you may know ... what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead ....

Ephesians 1:18-20

A Tidbit of Hebrew

Ever since taking a semester of Hebrew in college (which I highly recommend), I have loved reading bits of the Bible in its original language (of course, I need a little help with a dictionary--but it's exciting nonetheless!). My favorite website, http://www.blueletterbible.org , really comes in handy for studying the Old Testament texts in the original Hebrew.  The Hebrew translations are pretty fantastic. And a bit ridiculous (in a mind-blowing way).  

I was looking up one of my favorite verses, Isaiah 44:5 (the inspiration for a tentative tattoo ... we shall see), which says,

Some will proudly claim, "I am the LORD's";
Others will call themselves by the name of Jacob;
Still others will write on their hand, "The LORD's,"
And will take the name Israel.
*NIV, italics mine

So, a lot of times (practically every day now), after I share an intimate time with God through His Word, or prayer (or quite honestly, on some days, an episode of crying in my car, not wanting to brave another day of classes and whatnot ... pathetic, I know), I find myself repeating the phrase aloud,

I am the Lord's. I am the Lord's. I am the Lord's.

Lord knows I could use the reminder. And sometimes, that's all we need, right? Just to be reminded. The fact that we are always His doesn't change (and Hallelujah for that!). It's just that we forget sometimes -- and I get so upset at myself for doing so.

Anyways, after reminding myself verbally that I am still the Lord's, I write it on my wrist visibly. It is a comfort to look down at my wrist throughout the day at those little Hebrew characters and know I am His. And He is mine. He has claimed me. He has chosen me. I picture Him beaming a laughing, confident smile and saying, "Yup, she's Mine. That's my girl." (It works for guys, too.) How is He so good?!

In the Hebrew text, to write "The LORD's" would look something like this:
ליהוה
Literally translated, it reads, "unto Jehovah." Funny thing about the actual name, "Jehovah," or יהוה : In the Strong's dictionary (via Blue Letter Bible), it says this name is "the proper name of the one true God." They say this name might not have even been pronounced, possibly due to its supreme holiness (whoah). These are the same characters used to spell "Yahweh," another sacred, unutterable name (Can you believe that this unutterable God is our intimate Father? Incredible ...)

Cool thing is that the original root for this word/name (most Hebrew words derive from a root of three characters) is a "primitive" root, according to Strong's, which has the definitions (to name a few):

to be, to become, to appear, to exist, to be established, etc.

I don't know about you, but after reading these definitions (after a geek-out moment of how amazing God is) I immediately thought of how God is the great I AM. Okay, so maybe I geeked out after the fact. Jehovah, Yahweh -- I AM. Boom. That says it all. He is established of old (Psalm 93:2). He is everlasting to everlasting (Psalm 90:2; 1 Chronicles 16:36). He is the beginning and the end (Revelation 22:13)! He is immovable, unshakeable, unchangeable, a firm foundation. No wonder why He is called our Rock, our Refuge (Psalm 46)!

God has been begging me to take His words to heart, His precious promises, to allow them to penetrate my very core, to shake my existence, however unsettling or uncomfortable that may be. I encourage you to do the same. It is all too easy to glaze over familiar passages of Scripture -- words we know well, words we have hidden in our hearts. But how amazing it is to really sit with them, even a simple phrase like, "I am the Lord's." There is so much weight to that! God speaks to us all the time, through His Word, through His Spirit, sometimes through audible voice. Are we listening? Really listening?

I also encourage you, at least once -- on a good day, great day, or not-so-great day -- to write a reminder on your hand (in English or Hebrew!):

I am the Lord's.

ליהוה

He loves you with the dearest passion ever known. He is steadfast, firm, fixed. He is your Rock and foundation.
What does that mean for you?





*Disclaimer: I am no authority whatsoever on Hebrew. I just pick up bits and pieces. Feel free to do some research yourself!

Worship

The best moments in leading worship at my church happen when Ray and I step away from the mic and give it all over to the audience, when I hear the voices of our brothers and sisters singing out to the Lord at the top of their lungs. All of a sudden, my voice sounds so tiny and insignificant. All of a sudden, I feel a part of something so much greater. All of a sudden, I catch a glimpse of heaven.

As I hear the myriad voices of the congregation lifting their praises up to heaven, I am reminded of the beautifully powerful passages of Revelation, where the saints, angels, and mystical four creatures lift up their own voices to the Most High. My favorite passage is found in the fifth chapter, verses 11-14, which I quote here:

     Then I looked, and I heard the voice
of many angels around the throne, the
living creatures, and the elders; and the
number of them was ten thousand times
ten thousand, and thousands of
thousands, saying with a loud voice:
      “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
to receive power and riches and wisdom,
and strength and honor and glory
and blessing!”
      And every creature which is in
heaven and on the earth and under the
earth and such are in the sea, and all
that are in them, I heard saying:
      “Blessing and honor and glory and power
be to Him who sits on the throne,
and to the Lamb, forever and ever!”
     Then the four living creatures said,
“Amen!” And the twenty-four elders fell
down and worshiped Him who lives
forever and ever.

 How can we respond to this? I read it and am left speechless. This is our God. This is our Father. This is the One who has redeemed us, who has forgiven us, cleaned us up, called us His own, given us His inheritance, whom the heavenly hosts praise all day long, twenty-four-seven because He is worthy. How do we deserve to be His?! Actually, we don’t. That’s why I’m floored, flabbergasted.

This is our future—praising our King forever and ever and ever and ever …


I remember when my church worship team and I used to meet for rehearsals somewhat regularly. We would get the set list, practice on our own, and meet up at someone’s house (or in a super sketch practice room in a warehouse at night … good times) to get the arrangements right. On the morning or evening of the actual worship service, we would have about 45 minutes to go over the songs again and get it down pat. By the time we climbed up onto the stage and the lights dimmed, we felt pretty good to go—especially after a lot of prayer and remembering that we were covered by God’s grace and we couldn’t do this on our own, even with hours and hours of practice!

I can’t help but think that heaven is like a worship service. Okay, it is—the biggest worship service anyone has ever taken part of before. So do we know our parts? Have we practiced, warmed up our voices? Do we know who it is we will be worshiping for the rest of our lives? Can we say that we are offerings of incense, that we live lives of praise?

I sadly note to myself that even if every beat of my heart from the day I was born until the day I died was a shout of praise to God above, all of my life’s praises would not be nearly enough to scratch the surface of all that He deserves. All of the praises of all of my life will add up to a mere grain of sand on the beach or a star in the sky. Not enough. Ever. I am so glad that God created the bodies of stars and beaches filled with sand to remind us how pathetically insignificant and small we are—or rather, how substantial and how grand He really is.

 

I hear people say all the time that they wish they could sing, or at least sing a little better, especially in context of a worship service. But then I think of how great the angels must sound, the entire heavenly chorus. And I think of our feeble human voices. Even when our voices are at our best, when we hit high notes, belt it out and sound pretty amazing to our human ears, it is nothing compared to what God hears every moment of eternity. Those angels must know how to sing. Anyone who tries to compare voices on earth is wasting energy.

Worship leaders aren’t up there because they have good voices, though that’s what I thought for many years. In fact, my worship leader, Ray, said he couldn’t sing a note in tune until God called him into worship ministry. And the first time I had ever heard him sing, I thought he had one of the greatest voices ever! But God forbid any worship leader or singer be put on a pedestal. None of us deserve to be up there. God knows why He has called certain people to lead His children into worship. It is a crazy honor. Crazy. Every time I clamber on up to the platform, I am in denial. I’m taken aback. Why on earth did You choose me, God?

Leading worship is humbling. And admittedly, it’s hard sometimes. Balancing intense focus on the musical technicalities of worship with the freedom of being filled with the Spirit so that it overflows onto the congregation is no easy feat. It takes practice. I haven’t even begun to master it. Learning how to take compliments and toss them back up to the heavens where they belong takes practice, too. As much as I love encouraging words (and I do need them sometimes), they have a tendency to thwart my attempts at humility.

But He keeps me humble through His consistent gifts of grace. I have never felt God’s grace so near as when I forget the lyrics and He feeds them into my mouth, when I feel so tired and dizzy I could fall off the stage and He holds me up, when I’m suffering with a sporadic cough and He holds it back for me, when my voice is so weak and His Spirit gives it wings. It is a constant reminder that I cannot do anything on my own power. It is all by Him, through Him, and for Him.

I could go on and on. I could make this a series of posts. And I could sing of His love forever (as our group sang tonight in worship). But bottom line is, He is so, so worthy of praise and glory and honor that every breath we breathe upon this earth should be turned into praise. Even when we don’t feel Him, though we can’t see Him, the legions of angels still cry out Holy, Holy, Holy, and all of nature continues to sing the praises of our glorious King.

And we all, in one tongue, for eternity will proclaim,

“Holy, holy, holy,
Lord God Almighty,
Who was and is and is to come!” Exclamation point!

 

 

 

Revelation passages of praise:

Rev. 4:8-11; 5:8-14; 7:9-12; 11:15-19; 15:1-4

It’s even better if you read the passages in context.

Honey from the Rock

I came across this particular psalm this morning and found it so encouraging. Isn’t it amazing that we can be going through something in our lives, a trial perhaps, and when randomly flipping to a psalm, God will lead us to a word specifically meant for us? Yes, our Abba אבא cares for us.

These particular verses out of Psalm 81 stuck out to me:

“I removed his shoulder from the burden;

His hands were freed from the baskets.
You called, and I delivered  you;
I answered you in the secret place of thunder;
I proved you at the waters of Meribah.”

 This entire psalm is an exhortation to the Israelites, the people so dear to the psalmist’s heart, to remember the God who delivered them from the miserable fate of slavery in Egypt. The psalm opens with a call to worship, a command to “sing aloud to God” and “make a joyful shout to the God of Jacob.” Why? We praise Him because He has made us free. As the Israelites were freed from literal bondage, the Savior Christ has set His children free from slavery to sin and self. What a marvelous truth! It makes one want to sound a cry from the rooftops!

 Hallelujah! הללויה

 The part that struck me the most was the first verse in my selected passage: “I removed his shoulder from the burden.” I found it interesting that God does not say, “I removed the burden from his shoulder,” but the other way around. If you picture the image in your head, it is rather unusual, unorthodox for our human minds to understand. God did not magically make Egypt a better place, turning pharaoh into a benefactor who would eventually say, “My apologies for all of your discomfort—from now on, live in freedom, peace, and prosperity in my kingdom! Stay awhile!” God did not intend for Egypt to be the home of His people—He called them to bigger, better pastures. He called them to the Promised Land. In our own lives, we are still surrounded by the world, living in the reality of sin, whether externally or internally. We will have self-inflicted burdens of shame, or simply the burdens of everyday life. Jesus did not promise an easy road. But in this verse we see that, although God does not remove the burdens, the trials, the ugly realities of the world around us, He removes us from the bondage they might inflict upon us. He saves us from unnecessary pain. And he uses the pain that is sometimes so natural a part of our lives to purify us … and to draw us closer to His side.

 He delivers us when we call upon Him—and He delights in doing so. As an earthly father beams with pride and joy when his child humbles his or herself to seek him for guidance, so our Heavenly Father desires us to come to Him, for whatever the reason. He knows our humanity. Our human natures are laid bare before him when we complain and murmur for water, when Moses smote the rock in anger as the waters of Meribah poured forth. In Numbers 20:13, it says that at Meribah “the children of Israel strove with the Lord, and He was sanctified in them.” We often times provide the perfect foil to reflect God’s perfect character. When we fall according to our human nature, we become a stark contrast to His holiness. Hence, He is “sanctified” in us. In reading a commentary from David Guzik, I see how Moses failed to adequately represent God’s character when he smote the rock. He tied his actions with those of God and portrayed God as easily angered, irrational, and impatient. Because of this, the Israelites’ chosen leader could not enter into the Promised Land with them. Why? Because God is jealous for His Name and will not suffer His perfect, loving, just, holy nature to be defiled in any way. He is ever trustworthy. And thank God for that! If He was not, well then, we would have nothing and no one left to hope for in this world, would we? And we have the privilege to play a small part in testifying of His greatness. He uses even our weaknesses for His glory. Again, הללויה!

 Our God is so great. No wonder why David made it a command to his people to sing aloud to God, to shout at the top of their lungs to the One who delivered them and gave them strength! One more verse which impacted me:

 “He would have fed them also with the finest of wheat;

And with honey from the rock I would have sustained you.”

 Not only will our God sustain us with the finest wheat, abundant blessings and joys upon the road of faith which we walk, but He also promises honey from the rock—joy in the midst of hardships, hope in the midst of trials. He will provide for every need as we dwell in the Promised Land. As my pastor pointed out, the Promised Land is not meant to represent heaven in the grand archetypal redemption story. Remember the Promised Land was not entirely perfect: not only did it not last forever, but upon entrance, there were giants to be conquered. The Promised Land, as a symbol of the Spirit-filled life of a child of God, still presents giants, from deepest sorrows to thorns in the flesh. But God will give us the strength to face our giants. He will remove our shoulders from immense burdens. And He will feed us sweet honey from hard places. How amazing that we can know the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob—Israel? Can such a heritage truly be ours? Can such a God be our Father? Our אבא?

“Sing aloud to God our strength;

Make a joyful shout to the God of Jacob.
Raise a song and strike the timbrel,
The pleasant harp with the lute.”  

 

 

Excerpts taken from Psalm 81:6-7; 16; 1-2 NKJV

The Funny Thing About Fire ...

“Consuming fire, fan into flame a passion for Your Name …”

“Holy fire, burn away …”

“Stir in me a fire that the world cannot explain …”

“Fire, fall down on us we pray …”

“Come be the fire inside of me, come be the flame upon my heart …”

I find it enrapturing and utterly fascinating that the Spirit of God is often likened to a flame, an all-consuming fire that purges us, ignites us … incinerates us …

We gather together in our worship services, lift our hands, and sing lyrics like, “Consuming fire, fan into flame a passion for Your Name!” We sing in hunger for God’s Spirit, in expectation of His movement, in hope of seeing His hand. We ask for His Holy Fire, we ask that a fire be stirred within us, one that will inspire the world around us.

But the funny thing about fire is that it … well … burns. And anyone who’s been burned by fire knows—it’s painful.

So I wonder why we are so surprised when, after singing for God’s fire to fall down upon us, life starts to get uncomfortable. We forget the effect of flames when they come too close.  We forget how God’s holy flames …
lick away at our material possessions,
burn away all of our selfish desires and ambitions, 
char any remnant of sin in our lives,
melt our hearts of stone, our layers and layers of cynicism,
incinerate any trace of our fleshly self,
ashen our dreams,
blind us with their glorious truth,
refine us as precious metals …

And the list goes on. But the point is, if we ask for God’s fire, we are sure going to get it; the room could get pretty hot pretty fast.  When fire gets too close, it is definitely uncomfortable, but the results of God’s flames are nothing short of miraculous.

When a dark, ugly lump of coal (an appropriate metaphor for us) undergoes immense pressure and lots of heat, it will—guess what—turn into a gorgeous gemstone. How encouraging for us to know that when we do ask for God’s consuming fire to fan into flame, and all of a sudden His fire spreads within and without us, burning away all that was familiar and comfortable, and the pressures of this world weigh ever stronger upon us, we find ourselves gradually (yet gloriously!) transforming into the toughest and most beautiful of all substances: a dazzling diamond. 

So when you ask for His fire, I hope you know just what you might be getting yourself into.  
 And I hope we will keep asking.