“Listen to Me, O house of Jacob,
And all the remnant of the house of Israel,
Who have been upheld by Me from birth,
Who have been carried from the womb:
Even to your old age, I AM HE,
And even to gray hairs I will carry you!
I have made, and I will bear;
Even I will carry, and will deliver you.”
~ Isaiah 46:3-4
I was driving on the freeway the other day, sick with worry, almost delirious with fear about my future, and ashamed of the way the day had gone. (Do you ever have those days where the flesh just takes over?) There I was, helplessly seated behind the wheel, traffic looming before me and nowhere else to go. I was feeling so lonely and guilty, so trapped in my little car, and in the midst of these emotions, I suddenly realized the cause.
I was running from God.
A great deal of my life has been spent running—from myself. I have always had some excuse to despise myself, to drown in depression, and to think that my life and everything I did in it was one giant mistake. I was stuck in the mentality that I cannot do anything right, and even if I did, or tried, it always turned into something wrong. And suddenly, it hit me that all of these negative emotions could be traced to one thing: my narrative of God.
My "narrative" of God is literally what I think about Him, how I view His nature, and how that will determine His course of action in my life. Sadly, I viewed God as a person who praised me when I did something right and shunned me when I did something wrong until I could get my act together and “serve Him” again. Oh, how wrong this mentality is! How this narrative had driven me to sorrow, to shame, and being fearful of my own shadow! In this narrative, I cannot possibly do anything right. No wonder why I felt so depressed!Then God reminded me of these truths about Himself. Never have I heard His voice so clearly before. He reminded me that ...
He is full of grace.
He is merciful.
He is my best friend.
He is my Maker.
He is intimate.
He loves me.
He suffered and died for me … while I was still messed up.
And He would do it all over again.
I realized that we have nowhere else to turn in this life than into His arms. Who else can possibly understand us the way He does? Who holds our tears in His hands and listens undividedly to our broken hearts with compassion? I can’t think of anyone else on earth who could hold me in their arms while I cry my guts out and understand my heart.
Oh God, He understands!
He knows the depth of our pain. He sympathizes with the things we go through and doesn’t ask questions. He doesn't need our excuses. He doesn't want them. He doesn’t blow us off when we need someone to talk to. He listens. And He does not only listen to our barely-beating, broken hearts. He fixes them.
And I love God’s balance. He doesn’t spank me and tell me to get a grip. Yet He doesn’t allow me to cry my eyes out forever. He hears me, He lets me cry, and then after sitting in His lap with a giant box of tissues and a cup of tea (I cannot wait to taste the tea in heaven!), He wipes my tears and gives me the strength to walk again. He holds my hand. And He carries me.
I just love that image, don’t you?
I don’t have to worry about a thing. He’s got me.
And He’s got you, too. Forever and ever.
Please take advantage of the best friendship of your life. Nothing else can ever compare. Don’t expect it to. And a strong encouragement to my single friends: celibacy is the most beautiful time of your life because you have the opportunity to grab a hold of the best love of your whole life, to seize God Himself with both hands. It is the best time to make God your everything.
Single or not, grab hold of Him today. He is the best friend you will ever have. And you will know Him for the rest of your life.Satisfaction is waiting.